The Advantages of Mania
Normally, I’m all for “optimization,” i.e. getting sufficient sleep, nutrition, and exercise to perform at my best. I always regarded my understanding of health and wellness to be one of my biggest assets as a freelancer, allowing me to work longer, more efficiently, and with greater focus. But recently I realized the limitations involved with this idea, and how to overcome them.
This past weekend I had the privilege to work on a ton of different creative projects, some for myself and others for clients. I knew going into it that I would be essentially maxed out. The weekend consisted of a walking podcast, a two-day sorority shoot, filming behind the scenes footage for a production, jamming with my band, going to a grad party, and working on a jumbotron visual for a KPOP boy group. All of this was compounded by the fatigue of a 12 week, steep calorie deficit. Just thinking about everything I had planned had me massively exhausted.
From an optimizer standpoint, I dreaded this weekend. I knew my sleep, eating, and workouts would get completely thrown out the window in order to complete all the projects lined up. I worried about a loss of progress and worse yet, a lack of fulfillment of my obligations. Old me probably would’ve borrowed some Adderall from a friend, or canceled one of the projects. But neither option would be fruitful, or necessary. Luckily, before it all started, I came across an interesting story–
“There is an interview with some Bulgarian Olympic weightlifters where they talk about how the night before a competition they always snuck out drinking and partying with girls, etc. The coaches condoned it because they noticed it didn’t harm their performance.”
Similarly, from Ray Peat:
“On a Sunday, when a person sleeps an extra hour or two, it’s common to feel lethargic for the rest of the day. And when a person has to get up several hours too early, there is often the feeling of being over-stimulated.
Many years ago, someone noticed that depressed people who missed a night’s sleep, or were wakened several hours earlier than normal, came out of their depression, until they caught up on their sleep. Sleep deprivation has become recognized as a treatment for depression.
[Bipolar] people typically seem to need very little sleep during their manic periods.”
When I was younger, a psychiatrist tried to suggest I might be bipolar. I wasn’t— I was just a moody teenager that knew nothing about diet or philosophy. I routinely find myself with too much or too little on my plate– either a clear schedule or way too many projects, easily frustrated and burnt out. But is this really the worst thing for a person? Perhaps this is how I work best. Perhaps I scheduled all these things in a single weekend for a reason. Perhaps my subconscious knew more about my latent capabilities than I consciously did. We’re often easier on ourselves than we could be, and we suffer for it.
Perhaps total optimization in every case wasn’t necessarily what produced the best performance. Instead I needed to lean into present pressures. Sure, I was bound to experience some recoil fatigue in the proceeding week, but what are the weeks of training for if not to put them to use, going as hard as possible once it’s time to perform?
Once I’d adopted this mindset– that I could consciously overtax myself if only for a short few days– the lack of sleep and meals became far less of an issue. Normally having even one small disruption in my regimen produces a feeling that something’s gone wrong, but a different frame completely changed how I felt. Rather than more tired, I felt emboldened at the excess stress laid on me.
Sure, the rest of the week might suffer a bit from how hard I pushed myself over the weekend, but I’m happy to report that this newfound ability has left me at an even greater advantage for those future times when I am well rested, fed, and properly trained– optimized.
(Ecc 9:10) “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might; for there is no activity, planning, knowledge, or wisdom in Sheol where you are going.”
